toLIVElifeWILD

I took advantage of the gorgeous weather tonight and decided to go for a night drive.

The windows are down, the music is soft, and you can hear the sounds of the world.

Cars passing by, the screech of brakes, people talking and laughing as you pass them on the street, the music in the bar you just passed…but if you really listen you’ll hear the chirp of crickets, the call of frogs, and you’ll feel the wind softly caress your cheek. 

The older I get the more I realize life isn’t about finding big -epic moments- to make you happy. Life is all about finding the beauty in the situation you’re in; realize that everyday holds a treasure. 

Which one do you prefer?

Which one is better?

I’ve been contemplating this throughout the day. They both suck; there’s no doubt about that. But I think that I’d rather be going through heartbreak than face loneliness. 

Let me explain myself. 

Loneliness is something you face when you haven’t even had the chance to give someone new a try…you’re just singular.  You have the longing to try something new. You’re simply stagnant in a place that you hate.

Heartache is what you experience after you have tried something new.

Heartache at least started off with a great new adventure. Rushing adrenaline. Sweet  whispers. Jolts of electricity from a single look, touch. You gave something new a chance. It was exciting. It was fulfilling (while it lasted). 

Later, you accept the fact that you possessed something good. Someone that you liked. You adjust to the fact that you only have yourself to rely on again.  You slowly accept the fact that they were nowhere near the amazing person God is getting you ready for. He is fine tuning you into the person that you need to be support your future spouse -that he has meticulously molded for you.  

I’m sick of giving and giving and not getting a damn thing in return.

Don’t say things you don’t mean.

If you say you’ll do something, do it.

Don’t make plans and not follow through.

Don’t take a day to text or call me back.

Don’t expect me to give freely and then never be there when I need you.

Don’t make excuses just tell me the effing truth.

After two months of no writing I still have no words.

Where do they go to, anyway?
I can’t decide if they simply leave…or if they are shrouded somewhere in the cobweb lined recesses of my mind.

Do you think that God puts you through the same situation over and over again so eventually you’ll go about things the right way and then things will finally work out how they are supposed to?

Shit happens. Then you die.

I don’t remember where that is from. I don’t care

I just use it when things seem desperate.

When I feel desperate.

Shit

Ya know?

So I got pulled into this because my mom has terrible stomach issues and she is thinking that she might be gluten intolerant.

But this might be easier than I thought! 

Last night we had gluten free pizza. It was delicious.

Yesterday I made a flourless chocolate cake. While not as moist as a regular cake I gotta admit that it wasn’t too bad.

And at this exact moment I am chilling my Cranberry/Orange Short Bread Cookies in the fridge.

GO ME!!!

Bonus points if this helps me lose weight. 

In other news, it’s gonna be an early morning tomorrow. Dad has hand surgery in Little Rock. Gotta get up and get going and my ass hasn’t seen 5:30 in the morning in a long time. 

Prayers would be appreciated. 

Maybe at least Mom and I will be able to eat at Bueno tomorrow. Yummm. Well, crap, I’ll have to try to find something gluten free. ;-)

You know what I mean. 

When I was younger…

I remember…

Back in the day…

Things were so care free.

The biggest thing I worried about is if i would catch my crush and be able to talk to him between classes. 

Now I worry about paying bills, having a relationship, fixing my car, having kids, should I have gone to an academic college instead of beauty college, what’s gonna happen when my Michael gets a girlfriend, what am I going to buy my brother for his birthday, wonder how my aunt is dealing with the divorce, wonder how my uncle is feeling about his upcoming wedding, how is my brother’s work going…will he get that promotion, how are mom and dad going to be when they retire

ARGHH! IT NEVER ENDS! 

So I seem to be unable to write in my journal at this point in time, but this blog seems to be benefiting from that. 

In other news: 

I have been leaving work early. Lately  I’ve been feeling like it’s just a big cage.

I’m baking cookies!

I’m house/dog sitting Sunday. Maybe this time I’ll get more than an hour of sleep.

And I’m not sure how I ended up taking control of this blog. I miss MJ’s thoughts. 

I miss Michael. I just mailed him a little goody box the other day. He should be getting it soon.

I just bought a new book!

All of my iTunes library is finally transfered onto my new laptop! 

I have seen every Pirates of the Caribbean with my mom. 

And we’re going to the new one tonight!!

Somehow I got to thinking why it is that we change our minds of what really matters to us in life as we grow up, mature, find ourselves. Whatever.

How much of what we feel is our real -self imposed- feelings, opinions, ideas, dreams, all that good stuff. How much do we let other people run our lives?

The media.

Friends.

Family.

Co-Workers.

Why do we let others influence our choices so much? Why is it so important what everybody else thinks?

I say the only people who matter are the people you surround yourself with. 

Choose your friends wisely. You need people around you who are able to 

support how you choose to live your life. 

Be respectful to family. Unlike friends who can come and go, family is always 

made up of the same main group of people. Cherish them while you can.